FF Weekly - Week 1 Edition

Helloooo bitches, what a great opening of weekend of football. For Broncos fans, it could not have gone any better, we get a freak win over the Bangles on ‘the immaculate deflection’ and then Cutler goes out and not only throws 4 picks, but goes all petulant quarterback, screaming at his receivers and pushing Green Bay defenders after the play…. Oh it does not get much better than that.

I wish I could have watched the Panthers implosion with CO, my prediction is that CO now has an ulcer, an aneurysm, and a broken TV. It’s going to be a long year for the Panthers… the good news is if they totally tank the season that this draft class is loaded with would-be franchise QBs…. Oh wait they traded away their first rounder for next season to the 49ers, lucky for them the 49ers are also in need of that franchise QB.

Hopefully for our fantasy league’s sake, Adrian Peterson won’t score 3 touchdowns every week, but it does look like he’ll lead the NFL in the “Defenders batted aside like ants” category.

Got to love Cadillac Williams coming back from two different patella injuries and running ruff-shot through the Cowboys. Unfortunately, a Bucs upset was derailed by the defensive genius of rookie coach Raheem Morris, who decided to use linebackers instead of safeties to cover the deep middle of the field, leading to easy Romo to whoever-is-not-TO bombs. Also unfortunate is that this will surely spark delusional Cowboys fans into thinking they have a shot at winning the Super Bow... lucky for them they have an absurd punt-eating scoreboard which will also double as a scapegoat when Romo has his annual December meltdown.

Final random notes:

(1)Tim Tebow throws uglier passes than Shaun Hill, and goddamn that’s hard to do.

(2) Agle Crumpler looks like he ate all the parts that Lendale White lost in the offseason

Weekly Recap:

Game of the Week - Dabbs (110.16) over Wolfy (110.04) – The closest game in Quad Inc history, both the bottom dwellers of the league showed some life. Wolfy’s squad played solid all the way around and Reggie Wayne went off with 25+ points, which should have been enough to get a win over Dabbsie-do, but somehow the red head coaxed 11.8 points out of Percy Harvin and had the balls to play the slimmer, tequila-free Fatdale White against the Steelers, and he still came out with .12 points to spare. If the overall message from week one of the NFL was that god hates the Bangles, surely the message from week one of FF is that god hates Wofly.

Jake (103) over Brooks (96) – Similarly to the Broncos win over the Bangles, Jake took down Brooks on the back of a ridiculous 34 point explosion from the Eagles defense, which included 5 sacks, 5 picks, a punt return TD, and a fumble recovered for a TD. Even a 6 TD performance from Drew Brees could not overcome the Panthers ineptitude.

CO (107) over Atkins (97) – Atkins got solid but not spectacular performances from his entire lineup, which wasn’t enough to overcome big days from MJD, Randy Moss, Devin Hester, Todd Heap, Matt Ryan, and the Jets Defense. Okay so maybe the win was a bit lucky.

Dog of the week – Jack (140) over J Dub (72) – Ouch, this might as well have been Seahawks vs. Rams… Steve Slaton, S.Jax, and CJ3 all fall on their faces, then Julius Jones goes off on my bench just to spite me. I think this was payback for running up the score on Jack during online Madden franchise to over 70 points by throwing wide receiver screens to Calvin Johnson.

Awards:

Matt Dabbs Coaching Blunder of the Week:

Brooks – Not only did you get 6 TDs from Drew Brees and still dropped the game, but you also played Darren McFadden against the Chargers over Ryan Grant against the Bears, which clearly breaks the golden rule: Never play any skill position player from the Raiders unless that player is named Zach Miller.

Jake – Old man TO against the Pats? The Bills offensive line is constructed of twigs, duct tape, and… Despite that, they almost upset the Pats by throwing screen pass after screen pass to Fred Jackson, but TO contributed just about nil, expect for looking pouty on the sidelines. Inexplicably, TO played no role in the firing of offensive coordinator Turk Schonert the previous week, unfortunately, we can’t quantify such things into fantasy points, so I’ll just say that Santonio Holmes and his 21 points should not have been left on the bench.

Non-Miller Lite Good Calls of the Week:

CO – Devin Hester over Anquan Boldin / S. Moss – Nice call, the few of Jake Cutler’s passes that didn’t find their way into the hands of Green Bay Packer’s defenders went to Hester, particularly a nice over the shoulder throw for the TD. Hopefully this helped ease the pain of the Panthers evisceration by the Eagles.

Wolfly – Steve Smith (NYG) over Ronnie Brown / Lance Moore. Dogmeat getting a good call in week one? Yes you better believe it. The Skins rush defense was solid but Manning hit Steve Smith early and often, he had a nice performance. Ronnie Brown flamed out against the Falcons and Moore was not one of the lucky recipients of 6 Drew Brees TD passes.

Can’t wait for week two bitches, the lady is out of town so if anyone wants to come crash my place and get crunk off White Russians and Sudafed and play Madden/Halo, let me know.

Stay classy bitches,

- JW